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Hey everybody. Welcome to Prairie Lakes. We're really glad that you are, are here. Spring has sprung, uh, temps are warming up. Um, the solar eclipse did not bring the apocalypse, so all good, right?

Hey, uh, we are, uh, we're starting a new series, uh, this weekend called Be Reconciled, okay? Be Reconciled. And, uh, for the most part in the series, the, the context of this reconciliation, the context is marriage. I mean, really for the next three weeks, we're gonna be talking about being reconciled in the context of a marriage relationship.

But part of the reason that we're calling it be reconciled is that some of these truths about being reconciled in marriage are just true for us across the board. Um, so it's our sincere hope and probably intention that even if you're not married, you're gonna get something that God's got something new and fresh for you.

Okay? So, uh, here's, here's what we're gonna be jumping into this weekend. Week one of our new marriage gonna be reconciled series, and it's kind of a foundational question to what we're talking about next week and the week after. Okay? So here's where we're starting this week, and here's the question.

What is God's design for marriage? And if you could see my notes, I've got an emoji in my notes. And the emoji is what's kind of, because why? Because this has become, this has become kind of a loaded question, whether you like or think that it should be loaded or not.

It just, it just kinda has, it's become a loaded question politically. Um, it's become a loaded question culturally, and, and even it's become a loaded question within the church. It has. And lemme just say a few things here, okay? Um, elephant in the room. That is true.

Um, it's true, uh, for several of the communities that Prairie Lakes Church is in. We know churches that have really been divided over this question even kind of killed, killed off wrestling over this question. Um, and it's also true for the churches that I get a chance to work with, uh, across the country, especially Methodists and Lutheran churches.

They're really wrestling through this question. It's just, it's just a loaded question. It's just become a very loaded question. And when things are loaded, okay, when things are loaded, that's when you see, um, a lot of kinda weird, kind of unhealthy, even sinful things start to creep into conversations around these kinds of questions.

So, here's what I'd like to do. Before we dive into the question of what's God's design for Mary. Here's what I'd like to do. I'd like to dive into what God's word says about how do we navigate loaded questions.

Okay? So just hit pause in the marriage thing for a little bit. Let's just talk about what God's word says when it comes to how we navigate loaded questions. And I'm gonna show you, I've got six things. Um, there's a lot of content on these slides.

I'm gonna go very quickly. I know you don't like that. I don't like it either. Um, so take pictures if you wanna take pictures of these next two, but just six things about when it's, when it's loaded, okay? Here's the, here's the first three.

And it's kind of a biblical no matter approach to, to these loaded questions when it's, when it's loaded, no matter what. Here's what we're gonna stick with around here when it's loaded. Number one, we won't give ourselves permission to be unloving, okay?

Romans 13, eight through 10 says, let no debt remain outstanding except for the debt to love one another. So when it, when it's loaded, we're gonna be loving, and we're gonna stick to that, number one. Number two, we're gonna choose mercy over judgment, because that's what God did with us.

James says, mercy triumphs over judgment, and he takes it a step further. He says, judgment's gonna be showed without mercy to the people who aren't merciful. Okay? So we're gonna choose mercy over judgment number two. Number three, we're gonna stand on biblical truth.

We will, we're gonna stand on what the Bible says 'cause we believe that the Bible is God's word to us. So we're gonna stand on that, but we're always gonna share it with grace. You know, John, when he describes Jesus, he describes Jesus as full of grace and truth.

It's 100%. 100%. Okay? So we're gonna stand the truth and we're gonna share it with grace. Here's four, five, and six like Jesus. And this is super important for loaded, loaded questions. When we navigate like Jesus, we're gonna stay gentle and respectful even when we're judged for our beliefs.

Okay? First Peter three 15, I mean, he, Peter captures this. He, Peter had to live this thing out. I gotta stay gentle and respectful. Even when I suffer for doing good, suffering for doing good will elevate Jesus.

Fighting back won't. Okay? And this, by the way, is what Jesus modeled. He suffered for the ungodly. Alright, number four, number five, and this, I want five and six. I wanna dive into just a little bit here.

Um, five, when it comes to the loaded, no matter what, we're not gonna argue, but we're gonna gently correct because we're not trying to win, but we are trying to win over. We're, we're not gonna argue, but we will gently correct? 'cause we're not trying to win, we're not trying to win the argument, but we're trying to win people over.

Second Timothy 2 22, I I, I just wanna read verse 25 to you. Okay? Here's what he says. He's just coaching Timothy on stuff like this. He says, opponents, opponents must be gently instructed in the hope, in the hope that God will grant them repentance, leading them to a knowledge of the truth.

Our goal isn't to take a stand for biblical truth, even though we will, our goal is to win someone's heart. We want them to come to repentance and know God. Okay? Super important in loaded questions. And last one is this. We are not gonna fight outsiders. We're not gonna fight with people who just don't share our, we're not gonna fight, right?

But we will fight for unity within the church, okay? Um, this is another one I I just kinda wanna read to you. One Corinthians five 12 through 13, one Corinthians five, 12 through 13. Um, Here it is.

Okay, here we go. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God's gonna judge those outside. Let God take care of it.

Okay? Um, so, so that's just, that's just kind of our, our, our mentality here. We're, we're, we're gonna stick to these as guideposts and guidelines for us, um, as we navigate loaded conversations. And we're gonna try to stick to these even for the rest of our conversation this weekend when it comes to this loaded question of what's God's design for marriage.

Okay? So let's dive in together. Here's how I wanna approach our topic this weekend. Uh, and if you're taking notes, there's gonna be kind of an order that I'm gonna go in as we kind of tackle this question, okay? So when it comes to marriage, where we're gonna start is, number one, what does American culture say?

Number two, what does Christian culture say? And then number three, what's God's word say? That's, that's where we're gonna go. And there's a reason I want to kind of go in this order here. Um, because here's what I think, I think it's, it's easy for a lot of us to feel like that what we think is what God thinks.

We just kinda start there when maybe as we look at it, what we think is kind of more like what American culture thinks, or what we think is a little bit more what Christian culture thinks. And maybe there's a couple of degrees difference between what we think and what and what God thinks.

My bet, my bet is that as we walk through this series, some of us are gonna discover that what we think about marriage isn't quite what God thinks about it. So that's something to be on the lookout for as we go, okay? 'cause it's easy, it's easy just to get, it's, it's easy to get like a couple of degrees off.

It just is whether, whether it's this one or, or anything, it's just easy to get a little bit. And then the more that we're just a little bit off, the more that we go down that road, the, the, the the, the further of a gap there is between what we think is true and what God says is true.

Okay? So just watch that as we go. Let's get to the first one. What does our culture here in America think and say about marriage? Okay, um, from my perspective, I think there, there are three things primarily.

Here's what American culture thinks about it. It's a legal union with unique rights, benefits, and protections afforded by the federal and or state government. Okay? First and foremost, that's what marriage is in America.

It's a legal union, it's a legal thing. There are certain rights that the American government confers upon married people, um, like inheritance rights or their entitled to their spouse's health benefits, or they're protected from testifying against their spouse, right?

Or they can file their taxes jointly. That's what marriage means in America. It's a legal union, okay? Um, and really that's kind of the main crux of the battle over marriage in these last two or three decades, is who gets access to the legal benefits of this legal union.

Honestly, that's kind of the battle, okay? And that's what Americans have kind of fought over. Um, so that's first and foremost, all right? Second, uh, in American culture, marriage is seen as kind of a path to personal fulfillment. I think it's pretty commonly held.

Um, you know, um, so, and if that's the case, right? It only follows that if marriage isn't fulfilling us, well, we, American culture kind of sees marriage as a, as a relationship that just can be dissolved if it's not working right?

Um, okay, so pretty simple, pretty straightforward. I think that's mainly what Americans think when they think about when they think about marriage. Um, what about marriage and Christian culture? Okay, we're gonna get to that next, but before we do, before we do, okay, um, oh, it's already up there.

Cat's out of the bag. But just, just, just hang on with me here for a second, okay? Um, I, I want to qualify a couple things. First of all, is this, when I talk about like Christian culture, okay, uh, it's a very subjective thing. Meaning like what I assume that you agree with me when, and that you're clear on when it comes to Christian culture, it, it, it might, it might be just me and I just wanna admit that, okay?

Um, and I also wanna say this is a very Christian culture is a very broad thing to define. It just, it just is. Alright. So what I'm sharing with you on this slide, and the next one, I'm not trying to communicate that like all Christians think this way or even that, like, these are the only ways in which Christians think about marriage.

I'm not trying to communicate that. But also, I just wanna say this, like, I've been in church for four decades now, over four. Um, it's been my profession for like half my life. Um, I've worked with churches from just about every denomination and tradition.

Um, and, uh, and so while I'm certainly not the only source of information on Christian culture, I'm a pretty reliable one. Okay? Um, so here's how I've observed about how, how, how Christian culture approaches marriage.

And these aren't all bad, by the way. Just, I'm not trying to knock on, I'm just saying like, this is what I've observed. Christians usually kinda see marriage as god's building block for a healthy society, okay? Um, we go back, they go back to, we go back to Genesis, uh, you know, hey, be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth, right?

Um, so, so part of our story, number one, and from there it's kind of seen as a, as a culture conduit. So if you're married and you have kids, uh, this is a, this is a way that we transfer parents, transfer Christian beliefs and truths to the next generation.

Um, in fact, it's even why some, it's even why some Christian traditions emphasize having a lot of kids, right? Because the more kids you got, the more chance it is to influence the culture around us. You know? Um, and in the same way, right?

In, in Christian culture, marriage is sometimes seen as a bastion or a fortress of protection kind of from worldly influences. You're gonna see this a lot, um, see this one a lot in like Christian media. Um, so if you listen to the motto of a Christian radio station, or you kinda, you kinda see like a Christian movie studio or maybe, um, they, a lot of 'em will say something like, Hey, we create things that are like safe for the whole family.

'cause the family is this bubble against worldly influence. The Christian family is, um, but let me say this, Christ Christians are also just as susceptible sometimes to seeing it like Americans, which is a path to personal fulfillment, happiness or, or self-realization.

Um, and, and in fact, because of these three, and even the fourth one, when that's the case, when we see it as a, as a pathway to to, to self-fulfillment or even like significance, what happens is that marriage can kind of become a little bit of an idol in Christian culture or like this exclusive club.

And, uh, if you don't know what I'm, I'm really talking about just, I, I, I would encourage you ask one of your one of your friends at church who's not married, and, uh, I, I think they could probably kind of go like, here's what, here's what it feels like from their seat sometimes, okay?

Quick snapshot, American culture, and now Christian culture. So let's, let's get to the thing we really want to talk about. Okay? Um, How does God see marriage? You know, what does the Bible say About it?

And as we jump into this, you're obvious and you're gonna see some overlap between what God says and then what Christians think. And even a little bit to a degree of what Americans think. There's, there's not, it's not completely different and completely separate, but you're also gonna see some differences.

And so the loaded question we asked at the beginning was this, right? Like, what is God's design for marriage? And here's really the, the way I want to answer it. I want to kind of answer it by answering another question. What does the Bible say about Why, What does the Bible say about Why God created It?

That's, and if we, if we, if we can get the why, we're gonna get the design, all right? Um, and just so we don't fall into the trap of what we talked about at, at the beginning, these are God's reasons for marriage. They may not be your reasons and they might be, I don't know, you know, but as we work through them, lemme just encourage you to, to, to just ask yourself this question.

When, when I think about marriage, when you think about marriage, whether it's a desire to be married, 'cause maybe you're not, or maybe you used to be and you wanna be again, or even if you are married and you're thinking about why you are married, when you think about the reasons, your reasons for being married, for wanting to be married, do those reasons match up with Gods?

Is your why the same as his? Okay? So here, here are four reasons from scripture. Where, where I, it is pretty obvious why, why God did, I'm gonna throw 'em up there, okay? And I know it's a lot, it's a lot of content. Um, we're, we're gonna go back and and forth to this slide, so, so don't, don't feel pressured.

I gotta write 'em all down and moved away from it. We're gonna go back, all right? Um, but four reasons, okay? Um, jump into the first one, okay? As the covenant context, God created marriages as the covenant context for sexual intimacy and procreation for a healthy human race.

It's right there in the beginning of the story. In, in Genesis, Genesis 1 28. You know, he says to Adam and Eve, God, God bless them, and said to them, be fruitful and increase the number, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea, right?

Uh, birds in the sky, every, every living Christian. So, so it starts with Genesis 1 28, but there's a couple other pieces to this puzzle that we need to kind of unpack. Number one, in Genesis 2 24, in June 2 24, he says, that's why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

So we're not seeing just two people like procreating in the garden. Okay? There's a, there's a, there's a specific kind of relationship. It's a committed, unify, faithful, monogamous relationship.

That's a huge part of why God created marriage. And this is also why Jesus quotes both Genesis 1 28 and Genesis 2 24, in Matthew 19, four through six. Here's what Jesus says about it. He goes, haven't you read that?

At the beginning, the creator made them male and female and said, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. And the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Okay? Remember, in American culture, we talked about, it's like a legal union. It was kind of foundational to, to, to marriage in America. And that's where the battle is. That's not where scripture starts. Scripture starts with a very different reason, a very different purpose, foundational to God's design and purpose for marriage is it's between a man and a woman for the procreation and stable growth of the human race.

That's where scripture starts, okay? So you can kind of see, like, these are very different, even conversations, you know, it's, it's why in scripture we call marriage a covenant. It's a covenant. It's not a legal union. It's covenant. It's a relationship that's based upon commitments to one another.

God created marriage for the stable continuation of human race because it's based on two people who are committed to one another. A man and a woman committed to be faithful to one another, producing and providing for the next generation of, of men and women.

Okay? Now, a couple things here, Um, Is procreation and having kids and raising the next generation, the only reason that God created marriage, in other words, Um, Are kids the whole point of this thing? No. We recognize that it's totally possible to be married in the way God designed and to not have kids, right? To totally is.

Um, And also, how about this? Like, well, what if I've already screwed this part up? Um, what if my spouse or me, we've already kinda screwed the, we've already broken the covenant in some way. Well, listen, we're gonna be a place where no matter who you are, where you've been, what you've done, what's been done to you, you, you can go on the journey.

Even if, even if that's part of your story, you know, God loves you and you can go on a journey with him, and you can get back on the journey with him here, okay? So, so don't get caught. Don't get stuck, okay? Um, nevertheless, this is foundational.

The, the commitment and unity between a man and a woman is foundational to what the Bible says about why God created marriage. Okay? Um, It's the best and safest place for kids to be raised. It's the best and safest place for sexual intimacy.

This is what God designed, um, Which under normal circumstances, right? Um, leads to potential for kids. Okay? So that's number one. Um, let's put a slide back up and let's move on to number two. Here's number two. Um, why did God create marriage to mutually help on life's journey to mutually help on life's journey?

This is from Genesis two 18. Um, the Lord God said, it's not good for the man to be alone. I'll make a helper suitable for him, okay? That's part of the, that's part of the marriage story. And sometimes this verse is used to justify, like we extrapolate helper and we put like, gender roles in there.

You know, we put a bunch of things in there, okay? And people fall over the map on, on that stuff. But listen, if, if we're just being straightforward about this verse, you know, um, God created marriages a way for two people to help each other.

I mean, pretty simply. And if you're married, I'm sure you've got a list, just like my wife and I do the list of like, here's why I need you. You know, like, here's why. Here's why I, here's how, why my wife helps me. Um, uh, she's so much better at so many things, okay?

And before you kind of cringe, like, oh, what's he gonna say? Like, she's so much better at cooking and cleaning and emotions, you know, like, no, come on. Um, this woman builds things like she built up my home office.

Wayne's coating fixtures. It looks like, it looks awesome. Um, she has built out, um, like the hot, we have a, we, the house we bought has a, had an outdoor hot tub, but it was in rough shape. She rebuilt the entire surround out of wood steps.

Cedar, like, it's beautiful, okay? She just built like a built-in closet in our guest bedroom that she designed herself and built from wood. Like, this is nuts. You know, she manages our finance. I mean, most of our finances, she plans all of our vacation. Like, this woman is incredible, she helps me, and she says that I help her too.

Two, she says that. So I just believe her, right? I'm not gonna look at gift horse in the mouth, right? Um, so, so that's what this text like marriage does. That, that's why God, just for two people to, to, to help each other in life's journey. Now, let's clarify this one.

Just like we did the, the first. Um, am I saying that this is God's primary way to get people in relationship? Am I saying that if you're single, you're just kind of destined to be kinda lonely by no means, okay? Remember, Jesus himself wasn't married.

He, he wasn't, he wasn't raising a family. Did he miss out on God's purpose? Absolutely not, right? Jesus wasn't raising a family, but he had a family. You know, he, he had these 12 guys, and, and that's the beautiful thing about the body of Christ. It's God's idea of a family, first and foremost isn't biological.

It's spiritual. Okay? Nevertheless, one of God's purposes for marriage is for two people, man and home, to help each other. Okay? Let's cover the last two. Um, and I know I'm going kind of fast here, but, um, number three is to raise children into a life of faith.

Jesus, again, if, if that's part of your story, Deuteronomy six, four through seven says this hero, Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one, love the Lord your God, all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, all your strength. And then it says this, these commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts, impress them upon your children.

Talk about 'em when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, when you lie down, when you get up. A big reason for marriage is for parents to disciple their kids. Huge reason for it, okay?

Um, if you're, if you're married and you're in charge of kids, again, adopted, fostered, biological, whatever, moms and dads are supposed to teach their sons and daughters about God and tell 'em about who Jesus is and what he, what he's done for 'em.

Okay? All right. Final one is this. Number four, why did God create marriage? What's part of the design to serve and love one another as a sign for how Jesus serves and loves us? Okay? And this is from Ephesians five.

So here's what I wanna do. So, uh, a bit of pastor for over two decades now, which is nuts, but it is what it is. Um, which means, uh, I've done a lot of weddings, okay? Lots. And, uh, I don't do as many anymore. Um, but, um, um, I've done enough to have like a standard, um, I don't even need any notes to do my, my wedding message.

And so I wanna deliver my, my wedding message to you 'cause it's, it's informed by Ephesians five. And I like to camp on verse 21, okay? So I'm just gonna give, I'm gonna give my wedding message to you, uh, as an explanation for really what I think is at the center of God's heart when it comes to, to marriage, okay?

So Ephesians five, just imagine I've got a groom here who is not listening to a word that I'm saying, and I've got a bride here who's also kind of listening, but also you knows, right? And I'm talking to them, but I also like kind of talk to, to you and the audience, and I'm, I'm talking to them, but you're, you're kind of listening, okay?

And I, here's what I like to say. Hey, Ephesians five is one of these passages in scripture that talks directly about marriage, and it talks directly to husbands and wives. I mean, there's a lot that the Bible says around principles of what it's like to, to be in and have a good marriage and, and, and, you know, loving one another and things, the things that are universal when it comes to that.

But Ephesians five is one of these that talks it directly to husbands wives. So we should pay attention to that. And Ephesians five has a, the chapter is a specific design. It's almost like an hourglass. Ephesians five one starts pretty wide, and then it gets down to Ephesians 5 21.

And then from Ephesians 5 21, it starts to get wide again. Talks about these general truths that are true for all of us who know Jesus. But then it gets down to this one verse, and then from that verse, everything Ephesians five says about husbands and wives flows out of this one verse in Ephesians 5 21.

You ready for what it is? It's submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, okay? Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Okay? So what do we learn from that? Here's what we learn.

We learn that God's picture for marriage is a picture of mutual submission. It is Practically, Here's what that means, okay? If I'm talking to the groom, I say every single day her before you, you wake up every single day, her before you, her needs, before your needs, her wellbeing.

Before your wellbeing, okay? Her before you. And I usually make a joke about, like, it's gonna be pretty easy because she's a better person than you, right? And everybody laughs and the the groom also kinda laughs, but we all kinda know it's true.

Okay? And then I say the same thing to the, to the bride. Hey, here's what this means. Every single day, him before you, him before his knees, and, and, and listen, this works when it's mutual. If both of you are doing it, if both of you are doing it, then it, then it totally works.

Let me just tell this to you. You're, you're gonna have ups and downs in marriage. But, but, but if you are giving one another, this gift of mutual submission, there is nothing in the world. But you can't weather God's picture for marriage is one where we submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Now, let's be super clear on something. It's really hard to do. And in fact, if you decide that you, you're just gonna do this in your own power and in your own strength because it's the right thing to do, I'm just gonna tell you right now, you're gonna fail because there's gonna be days where like, this person does not deserve it.

There there is, there's gonna be days where it's like, what I don't want, I, I don't, you won't, you are a horrible human being, right? There's just gonna be days that's gonna be like that. So the question we really need to wrestle with is if mutual submission is the picture, Why And how are we gonna do that?

And, and the reason it's given the rest of the chapter, Ephesians five, it's this, you do it out of reverence for Jesus. You do it because Jesus Has done and is doing this for you. He submitted to the will of his father way over his own wellbeing for your sake and mine.

And so, very practically, lemme just say this, the biggest gift you can give your spouse is a deep and abiding connection with Jesus, where his story of love for you is so deep and so overflowing that you submit to them because you are so very sure that Jesus is doing this for you.

And if you can give one another that gift of mutual submission, not just because it's the right thing to do, but because you know, and you're experiencing that this is what Jesus is doing for you, then even on the days and sometimes weeks and sometimes months and even, even sometimes years, that you'll still be able to give them this gift because Jesus as well never runs dry.

And the whole crowd claps and everybody cries, and it was just great and everybody gives me great. Okay? So listen, um, next couple of weeks we're gonna, we're gonna kind of keep unpacking this be reconciled idea and, uh, in the context of marriage. And, and, and I hope again that this week and whether marriage is in your story or not, I hope you got something out of it.

Lemme pray over us to this end will continue. Father in heaven, you know, marriages are tough. Um, you know, they're this great gift, God, you know, that you've, you've got this ideal of what it, what, what it, what it is and what it ought to be and, and why. And then God, you know that we live in the story, um, of brokenness and broken people and broken world, and, and we fall short of this idea.

Um, and yet Jesus, here you are, right in the middle. And um, so God, may we be encouraged, uh, by what you've told us. Maybe we be challenged by it. And, um, God, may you reconcile some marriages that pray likes through it.

Jesus, in your name we pray, amen.